Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
