I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
