My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
