"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
