If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
