I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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