MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
