My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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