It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
