man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
