There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
