dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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