I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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