you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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