OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
