just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
