He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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