I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
