I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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