you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
