A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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