Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
