We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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