I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she told me i tasted like america
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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