why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
