If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
