whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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