Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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