Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
