We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
