The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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