I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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