Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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