you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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