Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And then he peed in my hair
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
