we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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