some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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