Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
