she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
