Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She bit a glass in half.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
