Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
