i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
