I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me they were just razor bumps!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
