i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
