Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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