If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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