Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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