I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
