this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
