Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
