Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
