Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
