I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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