This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
